Marriage: hope for the best, plan for the worst
Divorce is not something that anybody intends for and it is something that nobody ever wants to experience. But the reality is that divorce is becoming increasingly frequent with reports suggesting that upwards of 50% of all marriages end in divorce. So, the real question is how do you deal with it and what measures can be put in place to ensure that if wedded bliss takes a turn for the worst that you are prepared and ready to face the consequences? It is not a nice road to navigate but it can be made a whole lot better if the groundwork has been laid successfully before the ‘I do’s’ have even been said. Here are a few pointers.
Don’t be naïve
The statistics speak for themselves and you are only being stupid if you think that it couldn’t happen to you. No relationship is bullet-proof. The sensible thing to do however is to establish the ground-rules and the terms of engagement when you are still friends, and when everything is rosy and romantic. A quick online search for something like ‘family law firm Sydney’ is a good place to start. It should provide you with plenty of options of legally minded people who can help you put the appropriate agreements into place. Typically, these are known as ante-nuptial contracts and they will list who brings what into the marriage and how things stand to be divided in the event that it all comes crashing down. Without a doubt it is better to establish this all up front.
Marriage counselling can be a good thing and it can have great results. Sadly though, too many people go to counselling when it is too late, and the damage has been done. In going into a marriage agree with each other that you are going to go to counselling on a regular basis. In the same way that you should visit a dermatologist or a dentist once a year, you should also give your marriage a health check on a regular basis. Don’t wait until you aren’t talking to each other and you can’t stand to be in the same room before you take action.
Find common points
One of the best ways of exiting a marriage is to do so from a position of commonality. In other words, if you are in agreement that it is over and cannot be salvaged then instead of focussing on points of contention, look for common goals that you can both work towards. It might be something as simple as the fact that you both want to be happy again. Or that you want the best for your children. Whatever your common goals are it makes it a lot easier to work towards the end of the marriage together if you can do so constructively, with shared goals. If happiness is your ultimate goal, then who gets the sofa or the television are suddenly not such important questions anymore. Getting out of the marriage and being happy are the goals and you need to find sensible ways to ensure that you can both get what you want.